11 Tips For a Successful Marriage: Best Kept Secrets Not On Instagram

If you are struggling to get along with your spouse, why not try these tips for a successful marriage? These 11 secrets are not something you are going to find on Instagram or Facebook because they are counterintuitive.

They go against what the world says to do…

I am not suggesting you avoid conflict or excuse bad behavior, but doing your part as the wife will put the focus back on your husband and his actions.

He will no longer be concentrating on your behavior if you love him the best way possible. If you think about it, we need to be doing this anyway…

God gave both the husband and the wife biblical roles to fulfill in marriage; sadly, many women are confused about what this looks like in today’s world.

Many women translate God’s commands as some sort of a subservient, dehumanizing role which is not what I believe He intended.

Done properly, a marriage will function harmoniously and be a reflection of Christ’s marriage to the church. If you remember, Christ died for his bride which is the ultimate example to our husbands on how to treat us–die to self.

If you are tired of doing things your way, try these eleven tips for a successful marriage. It may seem difficult at first, but over time, you will see positive changes for you both.

Check out these 11 best tips for a successful marriage. I guarantee you will see a change in your relationship if you do these things:

The secret to a happy marriage is to respect your husband. As much as you want to feel secure, your husband needs your respect. He needs to know that what he says has value and importance.

Ephesians 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Don’t nag; sing his praises instead. You may not be a fan of him right now, but you can find something he does well. In fact, I am sure you can find a few good things.

After all, you married him for a reason. Keep emphasizing these things privately and publicly. It will change the way he treats you if you positively reinforce good behavior.

RELATED: The #1 Secret to a Happy Marriage Is Not What You Think

Yes, it’s true. You need to make love regularly. Regularly is something you both need to define as a couple–probably once to twice a week is a good place to start.

Lack of sexual intimacy is a thermometer for the rest of the marriage. If you aren’t having sex regularly, something is not right in the relationship.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Get your FREE CONFLICT RESOLUTION PDF to help you work through your most difficult conflicts.

Make your home a place of refuge for the whole family. It is hard to think or feel calm when your home is a disorganized mess and the kids are out of control screaming and yelling. You don’t have to do it alone. Have your kids help you pick up in the evening. Even little ones can pick up toys.

Creating a peaceful environment for the family is important as today’s world is filled with more anxiety than ever. Your husband and kids will be grateful for a safe space at the end of every day.

RELATED: How to Create a Family Schedule and Keep Your Sanity

Your husband is wired visually; it is the way God designed him. And, frankly, that’s how you snagged him in the first place! He thought you were cute and married you.

Rekindle those feelings when he comes home every day. It will make it easier to reconnect in the evenings if he is not distracted by the mustard stains all over your shirt. Ha!

Typically, women like to “talk,” while men like to “do something.” Find something you both enjoy doing together. Most likely, your husband will start talking while you are doing it. Go figure.

Perhaps you walk around the block in the evenings, plant flowers together, or cook in the kitchen as a couple  This is one of the best tips for a successful marriage…have fun!

When two people live together there are bound to be problems between you. It is inevitable that you will irritate or even hurt each other. When this happens, work through what you can and then let the rest go.

Obviously, there are some things that need professional help like addictions, but for the most part, keep your mouth shut when you feel the need to remind him the tenth time about the argument last week.

This is one of the best tips for a successful marriage.

RELATED: Christian Marriage Advice: 10 Best Tips For a Christ-Centered Marriage

Talk to each other every day. I’m not talking about surface stuff. Get real with him. Couples drift away from each other when they don’t reconnect emotionally every day. Talk about work, kids, family, and whatever else is on your mind.

That means turning off the TV, shutting down the phone, and making the kids go to another room while you visit with each other. I can’t tell you how important this is for your marriage. And your kids.

Your kids will feel secure when they see mom and dad love each other and are on the same team.

RELATED: How to Resolve Conflict in Marriage: 7 Biblical Ways to Healing

One of the best tips for a successful marriage is to stay true to your relationship. This means you take extra care not to develop close friendships with other men whether it is online, by text, or in person. When you do this, you open a door to temptation.

If your husband is not meeting your emotional needs, it is time to consider a counselor or pastor to help you navigate this issue. You don’t want to add adultery to your list of problems. Even if it is emotional adultery, it is still wrong.

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There is nothing greater than a wife who will consistently pray for her husband. Pray for God to give him the wisdom to lead your family, his protection, his job, and anything else going on in his life.

You can take scriptures and place his name in it. This way you are praying God’s words back to Him. Don’t discount the power of prayer. It is the best tip for a successful marriage.

RELATED: How to Change Your Husband Without Saying a Word

If you want to have a successful marriage, work on yourself. Stay fit, find time for God, and keep improving mentally and emotionally.

There is nothing worse than watching a person stop growing. This leads to a mediocre life that does not reflect who you really are as a person. You are worth loving yourself. This is the best marriage advice for any couple.

RELATED: How to Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself: 5 Ways to Move On

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I know there are many who are skeptical that these 11 tips for a successful marriage will work. Some of you are genuinely angry with your husband for good reason and feel the need to punish or criticize instead of love.

I can tell you first hand, your husband is never going to respond well to these negative tactics. Consider trying God’s way since He is the one who created marriage in the first place. This is how to build a healthy marriage.

Try loving him the way God asks you to love him and leave the rest up to your Heavenly Father. (This does not include abuse. Abuse must be addressed and reported.)

Eventually, your husband will start responding positively if you do your part. Don’t forget that marriage counseling is a great option on top of these tips.

For more information, check out this post on FamilyLife Today about the wife’s roles in marriage.

What are your favorite tips for a successful marriage? Comment below. 

Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store. 

This book talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family and also gives solid tips to help you with your family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.

Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids.  It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.

Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to freely talk about parenting, marriage, faith, family, and culture. Being a Christian is hard! Let’s do it together. Most of all, a sense of humor is required. Got memes? Bring it on!